im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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