Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
