if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize