I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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