I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
