i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
