I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
