Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
