I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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