I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
