There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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