They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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