Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
