history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
