why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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