my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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