Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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