Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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