Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
