grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
