I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
