She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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