I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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