My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize