I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
