we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
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