Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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