Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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