You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
