gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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