She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can I color on your dick again?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
