Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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