Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
