me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
