You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
