Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
