u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
