All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
