I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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