Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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