My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
