Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My life is pants optional.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
