Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
These tits shall not be calmed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There are leaves in my underwear?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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