I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
