Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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