My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Those nachos came to me in a dream
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
