Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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