Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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