What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
