You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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