last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
