You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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