Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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