Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
