the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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