Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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