So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
