I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
