we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
