There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
