I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
