i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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