distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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