So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
