I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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